On Pain, Dec 2020
Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.
-Brené Brown
Photo: Sarra Fleur
It seems almost insincere to celebrate, to wish one another, "Happy Holidays" as if this were a normal year and these were typical, cheery holidays. I don't wish to erase the pain and struggles of families and communities, of a nation, of an entire world with an inauthentic greeting. As we watch hospitals fill to capacity and neighborhood businesses shutter, I hope that the end of this year brings with it an end to this level of suffering.
Like many, I've spent time this year contemplating hope, despair, suffering, and healing. I've sought out spiritual teachers and took solace in meditation, writing, movement, nature, and connections with my family and friends, and of course, my dogs. I seem to have developed a deeper level of acceptance of the things I cannot change. I hope this stays with me.
When I suffered a pregnancy loss a few months ago, one of my friends told me that in time I would see the beauty in this part of the journey. I did not believe her. She was speaking from experience but I still couldn't wrap my mind and my heart around the possibility of this being true. Some things are too painful, sometimes there are no silver linings.
Then one day not long after my own loss, I asked a new client at my studio how far along she was now in her pregnancy. She replied that she was no longer pregnant. I looked into her eyes and told her I was so sorry. I shared with her that I had recently also lost my pregnancy. For a moment, I felt a deep, sacred connection to her. We understood one another's pain.
I now understand the silver lining to any suffering—loss, trauma, divorce, illness, grief—is empathy. It is a beautiful gift, to be able to truly understand and empathize with another person's pain. If we never felt heartbreak, we would not know how to care for others when they need it the most. My wish for this year is that the struggles that we have all endured will open our hearts up even more so that we can become more empathetic, more loving, and more useful in the world.